BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 1199 West 59th Avenue, Vancouver
Price: $8,780,000
MLS: R2086579
 
The skinny: Six-bedroom, eight-bathroom, 6,436-square-foot house on an 11,550-square-foot lot in south Granville.
 
The bling: It’s blinding, baby! Put on your priciest princess heels and trip-trap around this symphony of style over substance. The grand entrance hall, with its inlaid marble floor, spiral staircase and contemporary chandelier can only impress your similarly well-coiffed and well-coffered friends. You’ll take tea in one of the improbably formal—and deeply uncomfortable—sitting rooms, all straight-backed and clippity-cloppity floors. Oh yes, you couldn’t project more prim propriety if Dame Maggie Smith herself were here sipping a cup of Earl Grey. But don’t worry, you don’t have to keep up appearances too long: what lies beneath all this exaggerated etiquette won’t be forever repressed. Yes, downstairs—away from the glare of those oh-so-judgy eyes, you have your own little home-from-home Las Vegas. The shiny marble bar where the guys can down Belvedere and soda while watching you and your girlfriends frolic in the swanky hot tub, separated only by glass; the luxe entertainment room with a screen bigger than some multiplexes for whatever debauchery appeals… And of course a large mirrored gym space, so you can make sure you look good while making sure you look good. So what if the bedrooms are just beige boxes? No one sees you sleep, right? You put your money where it matters: on show.
 
The hidden extras: Air conditioning, wired sound throughout, security system and a no-maintenance backyard that’s only claim to personality is a large stone bird bath/fountain affair with a statue of children hugging under an umbrella. Adorbs.